My World, My Way

So I haven't been on here in a while. That's because I have been working on some of my other projects. Oh, yes, I am a regular Jill of all trades, master of none. During my away-from-here time, I have been drawing, writing, reading, going to the gym, enjoying myself. More recently (like, earlier today), I have been working on a story that I started more than a year ago and haven't really been working on. So, the other day, I got a couple of ideas that I thought would go nicely in there, but then I realized I didn't know where the notebook was where I was writing the story. I tore my room apart, searched through boxes of sketchbooks, and notebooks and journals and papers until I finally found the right notebook. I read over what I had already written, then started writing some more. What I really wanted to do was start another blog, dedicated solely to the story, and unfold it chapter by chapter...but I'm afraid to cuz I don't want someone to start reading it, decide they like it and then snatch it up and try to pass it off as their own work. I have to figure out how to copyright something or at least make it known that this is an original work by ME so that no one else can take credit for it. Anyway, I will continue working on the story and maybe, eventually, have it published. Wouldn't that be cool?? Yep. I was telling someone at work about it and...you know, this person always has a way of doing things, like it HAS to be done their way or else it's not gonna be any good. Like I was telling them about my drawing, and they said that I should start out with a rough sketch like this *proceeds to demonstrate* and then go back over it and fill in the details. Well, that's not the way I draw. I do draw a bit of a rough sketch but it's not the same way they did their's and my pictures still come out pretty well. I mean, I could probably use some art classes but, it ain't finger painting. That's the other thing, they HAVE had art classes. So maybe a teacher taught you something that worked for them and then maybe it works for you but you can't just assume that it's gonna work for me. (See, that's part of the reason I don't really want to go to art school: everybody shoving THEIR method of doing thing down your throat.) Needless to say (but I'm gonna say it anyway), they had something to say about the way I'm going about writing my story. "You have to outline it." Or...I can just write. Hey, my method is sounding better already. The other way sounds like a lot of work. I want this to be a lot of fun. And so, I'm going to go about it in a way that makes it enjoyable to me. Even if it's the "wrong" way.
Ugh, I got a scratchy throat. Have had all day. I thought I was getting a cold but I don't have any other cold symptoms...anymore. I did have a runny nose this morning, but it was also fricken 36 degrees this morning too!! But now, it's just the sore throat. I have tried everything: cough drops, mints, hot tea, lemon, honey...tea, lemon and honey combined. Nothing seems to work. I'm enjoying the taste of the tea with honey and lemon (Celestial Seasonings Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea, added a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, some honey and a dash of pure vanilla extract) so I'm going to drink some more of that. If you're thinking it might be strep, I already looked it up. I don't have the symptoms of that either. It's just a pesky sore throat.
Well, I'm gonna go work on my story a little, before I have to go make cookies for tomorrow's potluck. Maybe you'll get to read some of it soon.
Hop Along
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Yeah, Pretty Much

Okay so I'm barely able to go to sleep right now cuz I'm SO excited about tomorrow night. What's going on tomorrow night?? I'm going to see Batman LIVE!! It's a circus/play/musical/AWESOME!! I'm so fricken excited. I feel like a kid on the first day of school or the night before Christmas, or the night before heading off to Disney World. Okay, that last one, I actually can't testify to since I've never been to Disney World, but I figure it's the same feeling. Whatever, I am wired. Sucky part is I gotta go to work first, and since I'm not asleep (let alone sleepy) I know I'm gonna be tired in the morning. And yeah, that's only helping me to get to sleep... Also, a really good friend of mine gave me some Batman stuff for an early Christmas present, and my Bestie is gonna get me a T-shirt at the show, and I have my car all Bat-geared up and...oh MAN!! SO excited. Does this make me a geek/nerd/dork/dweeb?? Yeah, pretty much. Do I give a flying fuzz?? Nope, not a one.
Goodnight.

Hop Along

Oh, Not Again!!

Okay, so my day improved considerably yesterday. I had a few slightly rocky moments but overall, it turned out to be an okay day. Today...oh boy. Well, it's not that bad really, but I'm already having some rockiness and I hate it because it's really unnecessary. You ever have a person that you don't like, but you're not really sure why?? And then they say or do something and you're just like, "Oh!! THAT'S why I don't like you." Yeah, I've got a person like that that I have to work with. Luckily, I don't have to be around them that much, but the little bit of time I DO have to suffer their presence is just....torture.
Oh, well. I will just build a bridge and get over it. I'm looking forward to having...no, I am DETERMINED to have a good day, dammit!!

Hop Along

(Later...)
Oh yeah, this day has turned out pretty fantastic. Well, actually, that's a bit of an exaggeration for two reasons. 1) The day isn't over yet, and 2) the day hasn't been fantastic. It's just been okay. Not that anything else bad or annoying happened, it's just that, so far, nothing spectacular has happened either. Oh well. Better than the alternative. But again, the day is not yet over and there's a few things yet that I am anticipating to alter my mood. But that's not now, so I won't worry about it. Right now, I am chilling. Mentally and physically. It's a beautiful thing. So, let's see what the afternoon brings me.

Upset

I don't know what happened, but I am NOT having a good day today. I didn't take my medicine last night, so that could be a factor. But other than that, nothing is really different other than the fact that I feel like crap today. Most describe it simply as "one of those days". Maybe it's Mother Nature, maybe the Universe is out of line or...something. I don't know. I got up early thinking it was gonna be a good day. I felt rested, I felt ambitious. Now I just feel like sitting in a corner by myself, crying. Time is flying by. Good. Maybe that means this crappy day will be over before I know it. At least take away the crappy feelings. That would at least be something. I'm gonna go take my missed dose and see how I feel. I'll get back to you later.

Hop Along
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Chapter One...

So, I was looking at some quotes online, right, and there was this one that said something to the effect of "How can you move on to the next page in your life if you keep re-reading the previous chapter?" And that got me to thinking...I have been doing a lot of re-reading lately. There's a couple of things that just won't go in the fuck-it bucket. I keep trying to put them there, but then I go digging in there and pull them back out. Why?? Why can't I let go of this one thing?? And even more curious, the one thing is something I would rather not hold on to. It's like "oh, that's something I told myself I don't want to remember." Anyway, the point is I keep thinking about my stupid ex and it's driving me nuts (in a BAD way)!! I don't want to be with him, I don't like him, I don't trust him. And yet I keep thinking about him when I hear love songs, or when I see a sweet quote, or when I see a happy couple together. Now, before you say something stupid like "Well, obviously, you're still in love with him," I want to go on record as saying that nothing could be further from the truth. I know the reason is because (a) He was my most recent relationship, and (b) I am thinking about the things I was really hoping could happen. The things I want to happen for me.
I think about how things could have been if things had worked out for the better. I think about what I still hope can happen for me (just not with him). I dream of happy endings and fairytale romance. Call me a hopeless romantic if you want, but I would tell you that you are mistaken: I am a hopeful romantic.
While my views of romantic dotings are a little poisoned by my previous encounters, I still have high hopes that things really can turn out okay, and that (some) people really do live (mostly) happily ever after, until death does them part.
So, because of these romantic ideas, and hopes and dreams, I would like to stop the re-reading of my previous chapter and begin a whole new book. I will call it my true-life love story. When I find my Prince Charming, I will begin my story, and do my best not to compare it to any of my previous tales of woe. I will start fresh and new with Chapter One.

P.S. I would like to dedicate this photo to my ex, may he forever suffer the pain of love lost.

~Hop Along

Just Let It Go

I have been relaxing mentally. I mean, serious woo-saah stuff. Normally, I think a lot about the past, stuff that hurt, stuff that I was upset about...normally I go over and over these things in my mind and become mentally upset. But I've found this new philosophy and it has been making my life a helluva lot easier. I have to give a nod and a shout out to Pinterest for introducing me to it and it is this: "Just chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and move on."
The thought process is totally different ever since I developed that fuck-it bucket. And let me say, a LOT of stuff has made its way into the bucket. There's just stuff I figured out I don't have to care about, so why should I?? I can allow my mind to work on much more meaningful stuff. I mean, like this entry for example. And don't get me wrong, my life is far from perfect still, because things keep popping up in my mind trying to get some quality thought time, and then I realize that these are things from my past and there is nothing I can do about them now. Guess where they go after that....INTO THE BUCKET!! It's become almost a catchphrase, like "Off with his head!!" or "Release the hounds!!"
I freakin love it!!
Now, I must put this one thing into the bucket after I publicly atone for a mistake that caused someone I love to have hurt feelings. You have to understand the relationship I used to have with this person, the relationship I thought we would have, and the relationship he said we could never have...
I understand that my actions were probably hurtful in their context, but at the same time, he and I were not (and according to him) could never be together. Okay, then, if thats the case, my actions should not have bothered him so much. If he truly believed what he'd said, none of that would have hurt. It may have surprised him, caught him off guard, but...other than that, he really has/had no grounds to be hurt. UNLESS he had changed his mind, in which case he should have said something to me and maybe (just MAYBE...and then again, maybe not) things could have been different. But he didn't, and they're not, so...all I have to say about it, and then I'm moving on, is this: to he who may never read this....I am sincerely sorry. And: INTO THE BUCKET!!
Aahh...that's freeing.
One more thing. Allow me to literally illustrate the thought process of the fuck-it bucket. Maybe you can use it in your own life to make things a little easier.





Hop Along

Like A Child...

Last night I experienced something I've not had in a long time: I had nightmares.  I actually laid awake crying, I was so scared. I remember hearing voices. Horrible, evil, demonic voices. I couldn't understand their words, but the effect they had on me still....I damn-near wet myself.
I haven't experienced something so scary in awhile. And that's including our trip to Creepy World where I saw both a zombie clown and anima-tronic mannequins (two things that are scary enough on their own in my mind, but worse when enhanced by the frightful mood of Halloween).
I lay clutching my Skelanimals panda bear, Andy, peering into the darkness of the room, hoping the fear would leave me. It didn't.  My heart pounded fiercely and my breathing was shallow. I couldn't calm down, no matter what I tried.
When I fell asleep, I drifted into a nightmare of vivid horrors, although I cannot remember them now. When I lay awake, I feared going back to sleep but knew I must, or go to work unrested.
Tonight, I'll try again to sleep restfully. I hope Andy can keep the night frights at bay.
Goodnight.

Hop...to sleep.

Just Popping In With A Quick Word

Wow!! I feel good!! *in my James Brown voice*. I got up this morning and did my sun salute (namaste, to all the yoga people out there), got ready for work and went on out the door. I did some more stretching at work when I could. (Well, I'm still at work, but this was all earlier that I did this stuff.) I feel my muscles all sore with that post-workout stiffness...I LOVE that feeling. Just makes me want to work 'em even harder. I can feel myself getting more and more flexible. Soon I'll literally be able to bend over backwards. Make no mistake, whether I can do that or not, I'm still not one ass-kissing business. Lol. Anyway... It's all rainy and cold outside, but in my world, it's sunny and warm. My mind is calm and I have very little stress. Can't say when was the last time I was able to say that.
So that's what going on right now.

Oh, and one more thing...
"Remember, remember, the fifth of November..." - V For Vendetta

Hop Along
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And I'll Tell You Something Else....

      Okay, here it is, November 4th. That's 60(ish) days until 2013. But they say the world is supposed to end on December 21 of this year.... Hmm.  I think that it might be that the world AS WE KNOW IT will end. Whether it starts that day or earlier (like election day?? Or the day Sandy hit the east coast??) is another story. But I do know this: life as we know it is about to be disrupted.
     The way I figure it, a lot is about to happen in a short amount of time and no one is really prepared for it. Okay, let's start with the hurricane.  First of all, as far as that is concerned...I have to be controversial. I'm not saying that ANYONE deserved all that death and destruction. I AM going to say that the rich white people now know what the poor black people had to deal with when Katrina hit. Heh, FEMA didn't get there fast enough, huh?? The president didn't do enough for you?? The public acts like they don't care?? Yeah, same thing. Just different people.  I mean, think about it, it sucks when it happens to someone else, but it REALLY sucks when it happens to you.
     So here's the problem that I think is about to happen: plagues. New York has a really bad rat problem. But rats don't have a problem swimming (why do you think they live in the sewers??). With all the water that the hurricane pushed inland, rats will be swimming inland. And they can't swim forever, so they'll be looking for higher, drier ground. And with the rats, will come the fleas. And with the fleas, disease. Yuck.
     So, that's what I'm predicting. Only time will tell.


Hop Along

Working a 9 to....Infinity

     A hamster on a running wheel. Yep, that about sums up some people's life. Mine is more like....a spiral or a wheel of fortune with no good fortunes on there. Just the same stuff keeps going around and around, and happening again and again....
But let me start with the hamster. Why is it some people allow that to be their way of life?? They are busting their hump everyday at a going-nowhere job...for what?? To continue to struggle?? To never advance?? I mean, they have no ambition of being promoted, yet they complain that they aren't making enough, or that their job isn't challenging. Or that their bored at work. I understand that just switching to a better paying job is easier said than done but, geez!! If you do nothing different, nothing will ever be different.
    Which brings me to my own life. For me, I am mostly speaking about the relationship department.  I have a job, my own car...not my own place at the moment, but, hey you gotta do what you gotta do in this economy. Anyway, I'm not ugly, and I'm not a bitch. And yet I'm single. Why?? If people out there like Honey Boo Boo's mom can have a boyfriend (okay, to be fair, he's probably only with her for the money and the fame, but...)....you know what I'm getting at. I joked with a friend that I was going to become a lesbian because it has become painfully apparent that men ain't worth shit.  Then, why do I want one?? Because that's the way I envision my life. My kids (who already exist) will live in a house with 2 parents (although, obviously only ONE will be biological) who have a good strong relationship and NOT be dysfunctional.  That is what I want for myself. I just want to be happy. What's wrong with that??
     And it would be one thing if that was the only thing that seems to be cycling.  But it's not. I also keep having the same issues in my life. Like, these repeating bouts of depression. I'm trying to figure out what is causing me to spiral down into them. I felt the last bout coming on, but it made no difference. I'm depressed now. I couldn't make it go away. I think this is the longest one I've had. It has lasted about 2 years. The medicine helps but that's not a cure. I have researched depression, and the main cause is the person themselves. So what does that tell you?? *mirthless grin* I am my own freakin problem. And the problem with depressed people that keeps them depressed is that they keep thinking about things that have happened to them. The past. They live in the past. Well, you can't live in the future but you can live in the now. That's what I've been working on, and that's where I become that damn hamster. Trying so hard, but never really getting anywhere. I mostly live in the past because I'm trying not to let it become my future. If I can figure out what I did wrong, I can change it.  "Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it." I sure as hell don't want to be doomed.


Hop Along
 

Haunted Houses

Okay so earlier I was watching the latest episode of New Girl (took me awhile to warm up to it but now, I love that show!!). And one of the characters on there said "relationships are like haunted houses: you walk in all confident and then it's not anything like you thought. It's scary!!" I totally have to agree with him about that. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out there. But I can't leave this without giving you a little treat. So here ya go.


"Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize y'all's neighborhood. And those whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down, must stand and face the hounds of Hell and rot inside a corpse's shell. The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of forty thousand years, and grisly ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal your doom. And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver. For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller."





- Hop Along
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London Bridge Isn't Falling Down

Everywhere I look, I see things going wrong. Well sort of. People's relationships are failing, marriages falling apart, everybody's all moody, I just don't get it. Is the stress of the economy hitting that hard?? Is it the full moon?? The solar flares?? The election?? The hurricane?? I try to keep positive but with so much negativity around me, I'm finding that very difficult. I'm losing interest in the things I once felt good doing. I fell off my diet a long time ago; I've been eating things I know I shouldn't, not exercising as strenuously, not drinking enough water. I feel like I don't even care. Even I'm moody and grouchy. My fuse seems a lot shorter than it used to be. I get irritated at the slightest thing. Argh!! What the hell??!! I need some freakin peace in my life!! I'm trying to find things that help ME to perk up, but it's hard to focus. Maybe it isn't as bad as I think...maybe things really are getting better. *shrug*
Maybe.


*listening to "Given Up" by Linkin Park*

--Hop Along


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Aaarrggghhh.....Braaiinnss!!!!

Whooooo!! It is brisk out there!! Last night we went to the Zombie Walk; the only after-dark parade I know of, where people dress up (like zombies, obviously) and walk up and down the street. Usually this brings out the deep creativity in people. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the faces of most of them because I found myself shuffling along BEHIND them. It was still really cool! We saw a clown, a guy that looked like he came from the video game Call of Duty, and clacking by on stacked heels was (what I interpreted as) a zombie drag queen. Or it coulda just been a guy playing a woman. *shrug* don't know. Kinda hard to tell, but it was obvious that he was a bit effeminate. So he was probably used to wearing heels and girl's clothes. Anyway... The costumes and makeup were pretty cool and some of the people would walk up to the restaurant windows and slap on the glass snarling and gnashing their teeth. The patrons were quite delighted. Cameras and camera phones were out snapping and flashing.
And then when all was said and done, we all gathered around and watched as the zombies broke out into the Thriller dance. It was awesome!!!!!



-Hop Along

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We Have Nothing to Fear But Fear Itse--AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have never understood people's desire to purposely scare themselves. I don't like being afraid. It is one if my baser instincts that I give into by default. If my mind doesn't like something my eyes are seeing, it's first reaction is to be afraid of it. Horror movies, haunted mansion/prison tours, skydiving, cliff jumping, doing anything scary for FUN??...I don't get it. So please tell me why I subjected myself (for the second time) to the "best haunted funhouse in America"?? I admit that I did have fun. But I was also scared shitless. There was a point when I literally almost wet myself. True story. No joke. Not funny. Stop laughing.
We went through, and there were actors making loud sudden noises behind the walls, at times even under your feet. Some, wearing masks, were mixed in amongst gruesome and gory mannequins would follow you closely as you would walk by, growling or moaning in your ear. (Some would just stare at you menacingly.) Others would walk out of the shadows shouting, and still others would stand stalk-still until you thought they were mannequins, and at the last minute would jump at you screaming. Then we would come out of the house and think the scary part was over (*big sigh of relief*) when an actor would suddenly charge from the shadows and chase you with a roaring chainsaw!! (*Somehow manage to keep control of bladder**run, scream*) One guy at the end of the walk chased several girls right out into the parking lot. (I laughed at them cuz it wasn't me.)
There was one part where we went on a hayride and were allowed to use paintball guns to shoot any zombies we saw. That was awesome!! Then we had to go through another house while wearing 3D glasses. There were strobe lights, fog machines, a couple of parts in complete darkness, mannequins, animatronics, scary masks, scary makeup, different themes for each part...it was AWESOME!!
My voice is hoarse, my throat is sore, my toes are cold, but I will go to sleep tonight and not have any bad dreams because my body is in adrenaline crash mode. (Kinda like a caffeine or sugar crash but for the adrenal glands. Also, because I got these little things called sleeping pills...perfect for inducing dreamless sleep.)
My point is, I STILL don't get it, about the being-scared-on-purpose-for-fun thing, but I had a blast tonight.

...uugh, I'm gonna look and feel like a zombie when I get up.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and spiders." <~ something I have on a pin, and I totally agree with it.

--Hop Along


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So Like I Was Saying...

Anyway, where was I?? Oh yeah, talking about not being in a relationship. You know, a friend of mine just got me to thinking about something that is SO TRUE: men seem to have more confidence than women. Now, ladies, don't start a riot, let me have a chance to explain. Okay, you have to let go of the fact that the info came a man in the first place, and then you have to just swallow the bitter pill: he's right. This is how he explained it, he said that a man will approach a woman and try to chat her up. He could be the ugliest dude in the club, and yet he will get up the gumption to come and speak. She could even tell him that he's ugly and he will simply smile and say "I may be ugly on the outside but it's up to you to find the beauty within." (My friend then says, half-joking, that you then wake up the next morning trying to figure out how he snookered you into a relationship.)
A woman on the other hand will spot a handsome man, and admire him from a distance, all the while telling herself that he wouldn't be interested in her anyway, that he's probably into the model types. Very rarely (if ever) will a woman gather her courage and approach the handsome man.
I WANNA KNOW WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Why do we defeat ourselves before we have even begun?? Why do we automatically get insecure and make excuses that we have no proof of?? Why do we talk ourselves out of what COULD be a good situation. I mean, even if no relationship comes of it (and you don't have to have a relationship come out of every encounter), you could have a great new friend. Or, maybe he is Prince Charming. *shrug* Either way, we won't know because we're too afraid to take that chance in the first place.
You know what though?? Someone told me one time, and I figure this to be true on some level as well, that it's the man's job to prove to the woman that he is worthy of her time. I mean, think about it, even in the animal kingdom, the male of almost every species the males have to perform some feat of prowess to impress the female for the right to mate with her. He has to prove his worth. Well, I don't see why the same can't be said of humans. I mean, no woman wants a weak man to father her children. So I figure in the first encounter, the male should approach the female. However, if a female should see an acceptable suitor, she shouldn't feel any less about herself for wanting to approach him. I say grow some balls and walk right up to him and prove to him that he would be the luckiest man around just to be seen talking to you!!


*Listening to "Stole My Heart" by Little and Ashley*


~~ Hop Along

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Another Day, Another Dollar

Well, here I am at work. (I'm on lunch right now, that's how I have time to blog.) I have been letting my mind wander a lot today. I zoned out so bad this morning on my way to work, I ended up passing my exit. I don't even remember what I was thinking about. I had to reign it in when I was doing detail-oriented duties at work. Attention to detail and all that. Can't be slacking when you have a security job. That's how you maintain job security. Lol. I know, that was lame.
Man, it got cold outside. Yesterday, it was about 80 degrees; today, it's down to about 50. And windy. I hope it dies down by this evening. I have plans to go to Creepy World.
One thing that keeps crossing my mind is relationships and my lack of one. Not that I NEED a relationship to define me, no, that's not what I'm saying. What I AM saying is that I am not in a relationship and I'm not looking either. I will flirt my butt off, but don't expect anything to come of it. Not happening. More on that subject later. Gotta go make these pennies.

P.S. Saw this yesterday, still haven't figured out what it means, but I like the way it sounds:
"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering There is a crack in everything. That's how light gets in."


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I Dream a Little Dream...

So the other night I had this really weird dream. There was something scary about it at first (I can't remember what) and so I woke myself twitching. I could feel myself grinding my teeth so I got up and put in my mouth guard and thought to myself that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now, let alone go back into the dream. There was something about the dream that made me want to continue it. Something unresolved, perhaps. Well, lo and behold, I did actually continue with the same dream. Now, I don't remember all the details of the dream, and what I do remember, some of it just doesn't make any sense...but the part that I still think about was this: How I felt. I could feel this deep sense of longing, of wanting something so bad, and not wanting to lose it. In the dream there was a guy named Josh, and apparently he and I had broken up and it had been about a week or so since the breakup. And I remember telling Josh (whoever he is, because I don't know anyone named Josh) that I felt that he and I belonged together, that we couldn't give up even if we wanted to. I told him that his scent was on my heart and that I smelled deeply of him (whatever the hell that means, but in the dream it made sense as only dream stuff does). I don't remember him talking or saying anything back, but I could sense that he agreed with me, that he didn't want to be apart either.
     The dream slipped into some other weirdness that made sense only in my sleeping mind but I will continue to think about Josh and our connection. I mean, was that some sort of premonition?? Or was it wishful thinking?? Was it my subconscious replaying part of my recent past in a more positive light?? (I sure as hell hope not.) I know one thing...I want to find Josh, whoever he is. After all, his scent is on my heart.

BTW, that is actually a picture of me when I was about 4.

- Hop Along

Early to Bed, Early to Rise...

I didn't go to bed early, but I sure am early to rise. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and haven't been back to sleep since. Only one of two days when I can sleep in and here I am wide a-freaking-wake. Just ain't fair. I was hoping that I would dream so I could wake up and try to analyze it, but wasn't graced with that either. Oh well. I do have a dream that I want to keep remembering. I will talk about that later I think. I have a few things I didn't do yesterday that I can try to get done today. For now I'm going back to reading my book. I'm reading A Game of Thrones. Really good series. I'm on the third book: A Storm of Swords.
Man, I am really hungry right now. Maybe I'll go ahead and get up and eat and then go back to reading.

"The sun is rising. The light comes to chase shadows back to their corners. Winter is coming." - A Game of Thrones

- Hop Along


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Rise

Woke up just shy of 9 this morning and saw that it was a beautiful day. And I have nothing to do...except laundry. And make a few phone calls. And clean my room. And get my stuff ready for work.  Okay, so I do have a few things to do but, no appointments, nowhere to go, nothing that absolutely MUST be done today. I can choose to sit around all day if I want. I LOVE that. Especially since it's been a long week for me at work. I busted my butt the past few days. And if it wasn't already so great that it's not raining for once, it's actually warm out. I can get outside and do something too. Like exercise...I can do my yoga outside if I wanna. (Didn't do it when I got up like I normally do.) Today, the world is my oyster. I just hope it's the one that has the pearl in it.

Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Let's GOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Hop Along

Darkness Falls

Well, I'm going to bed now. It's not even really that late and I don't have to go to work tomorrow but...as the evening wears on, I have acquired a headache, and I'm getting irritable and grouchy because I'm tired and I really wouldn't mind some quiet time alone (but kids don't seem to understand that). So, I have dismissed the kids, and now it's just me and my book.....and my headache until the meds kick in.
Good night all. I should have plenty to talk about (I've been having strange, almost-make-sense dreams). Should be an interesting journey into the medicated subconscious.

Hop Along!! - Bad Bunny


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Here We Go Again...

And so begins yet another blog. I had to delete my other one because...I don't even want to go into it. I had to delete it. End of story.
     I'm starting a new life. A new me. Well, that's what I plan to do. But it's easier said than done. Not to mention some things that I would like to change seem to want to stay the same. I want to change the way people see me. I want to change my financial situation. Firstly, I want to change the way I think. I think that's the hardest thing. I mean, I do yoga every morning (well, ALMOST every morning) and I try to calm my mind and spirit, and yet when I enter a particular situation (interacting with my ex...), I start to have serious anxiety attacks. I don't know what to do to make it stop. I try thinking of something calming. I try to breathe deeply and apply my meditation methods all to no avail. I always walk away feeling shaky and sick to my stomach.  I try to tell myself that because we are only recently broken up, that dealing with him will be awkward for awhile. But I also know that there is an energy about him. A negative energy that I can sense and it affects me. I just have to figure out how to turn myself off to his negative vibe.

Besides that, work is going well. I enjoy my new duties. I love not being stuck in one place all the time. I love not knowing what's next. I love the variety, however so slight.  Money wise, I'm doing alright. I feel like nothing much has changed there. Although I did accomplish some things recently that would have been harder, if not impossible while living in my apartment.

Regarding the company I keep...It cracks me up to see all the guys at work flirting with me. A couple of them have come right out and said that they like me. Here's the thing though: one of them is unavailable, he has a girlfriend that he lives with. And yet he very openly flirts with me, as though anything could come of it.  The other guy...he's really nice, and in another life, I might have even considered giving him a shot. But I have taken a vow of non-fraternization: I am NOT going to date another coworker. I will flirt and tease until the cows come home, but nothing will come of any of it. I have learned my lesson as far as that goes.
     My best friend remains, as always, the best. He bothers me with some of the things he says but, because he's my friend, I can take it all with a large grain of salt, build a bridge and get over it, ya know??  I would like to acquire more female friends and go and hang out with them all the time. But I also know that if I had more friends, I would seek to be alone more often. I'm trying to find the happy medium.
Well, anyway, I feel like I need a nap. Gonna go lie down. Or read. Or something.


"It's all about me. Deal with it" - Happy Bunny