My World, My Way

So I haven't been on here in a while. That's because I have been working on some of my other projects. Oh, yes, I am a regular Jill of all trades, master of none. During my away-from-here time, I have been drawing, writing, reading, going to the gym, enjoying myself. More recently (like, earlier today), I have been working on a story that I started more than a year ago and haven't really been working on. So, the other day, I got a couple of ideas that I thought would go nicely in there, but then I realized I didn't know where the notebook was where I was writing the story. I tore my room apart, searched through boxes of sketchbooks, and notebooks and journals and papers until I finally found the right notebook. I read over what I had already written, then started writing some more. What I really wanted to do was start another blog, dedicated solely to the story, and unfold it chapter by chapter...but I'm afraid to cuz I don't want someone to start reading it, decide they like it and then snatch it up and try to pass it off as their own work. I have to figure out how to copyright something or at least make it known that this is an original work by ME so that no one else can take credit for it. Anyway, I will continue working on the story and maybe, eventually, have it published. Wouldn't that be cool?? Yep. I was telling someone at work about it and...you know, this person always has a way of doing things, like it HAS to be done their way or else it's not gonna be any good. Like I was telling them about my drawing, and they said that I should start out with a rough sketch like this *proceeds to demonstrate* and then go back over it and fill in the details. Well, that's not the way I draw. I do draw a bit of a rough sketch but it's not the same way they did their's and my pictures still come out pretty well. I mean, I could probably use some art classes but, it ain't finger painting. That's the other thing, they HAVE had art classes. So maybe a teacher taught you something that worked for them and then maybe it works for you but you can't just assume that it's gonna work for me. (See, that's part of the reason I don't really want to go to art school: everybody shoving THEIR method of doing thing down your throat.) Needless to say (but I'm gonna say it anyway), they had something to say about the way I'm going about writing my story. "You have to outline it." Or...I can just write. Hey, my method is sounding better already. The other way sounds like a lot of work. I want this to be a lot of fun. And so, I'm going to go about it in a way that makes it enjoyable to me. Even if it's the "wrong" way.
Ugh, I got a scratchy throat. Have had all day. I thought I was getting a cold but I don't have any other cold symptoms...anymore. I did have a runny nose this morning, but it was also fricken 36 degrees this morning too!! But now, it's just the sore throat. I have tried everything: cough drops, mints, hot tea, lemon, honey...tea, lemon and honey combined. Nothing seems to work. I'm enjoying the taste of the tea with honey and lemon (Celestial Seasonings Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea, added a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, some honey and a dash of pure vanilla extract) so I'm going to drink some more of that. If you're thinking it might be strep, I already looked it up. I don't have the symptoms of that either. It's just a pesky sore throat.
Well, I'm gonna go work on my story a little, before I have to go make cookies for tomorrow's potluck. Maybe you'll get to read some of it soon.
Hop Along
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Yeah, Pretty Much

Okay so I'm barely able to go to sleep right now cuz I'm SO excited about tomorrow night. What's going on tomorrow night?? I'm going to see Batman LIVE!! It's a circus/play/musical/AWESOME!! I'm so fricken excited. I feel like a kid on the first day of school or the night before Christmas, or the night before heading off to Disney World. Okay, that last one, I actually can't testify to since I've never been to Disney World, but I figure it's the same feeling. Whatever, I am wired. Sucky part is I gotta go to work first, and since I'm not asleep (let alone sleepy) I know I'm gonna be tired in the morning. And yeah, that's only helping me to get to sleep... Also, a really good friend of mine gave me some Batman stuff for an early Christmas present, and my Bestie is gonna get me a T-shirt at the show, and I have my car all Bat-geared up and...oh MAN!! SO excited. Does this make me a geek/nerd/dork/dweeb?? Yeah, pretty much. Do I give a flying fuzz?? Nope, not a one.
Goodnight.

Hop Along

Oh, Not Again!!

Okay, so my day improved considerably yesterday. I had a few slightly rocky moments but overall, it turned out to be an okay day. Today...oh boy. Well, it's not that bad really, but I'm already having some rockiness and I hate it because it's really unnecessary. You ever have a person that you don't like, but you're not really sure why?? And then they say or do something and you're just like, "Oh!! THAT'S why I don't like you." Yeah, I've got a person like that that I have to work with. Luckily, I don't have to be around them that much, but the little bit of time I DO have to suffer their presence is just....torture.
Oh, well. I will just build a bridge and get over it. I'm looking forward to having...no, I am DETERMINED to have a good day, dammit!!

Hop Along

(Later...)
Oh yeah, this day has turned out pretty fantastic. Well, actually, that's a bit of an exaggeration for two reasons. 1) The day isn't over yet, and 2) the day hasn't been fantastic. It's just been okay. Not that anything else bad or annoying happened, it's just that, so far, nothing spectacular has happened either. Oh well. Better than the alternative. But again, the day is not yet over and there's a few things yet that I am anticipating to alter my mood. But that's not now, so I won't worry about it. Right now, I am chilling. Mentally and physically. It's a beautiful thing. So, let's see what the afternoon brings me.

Upset

I don't know what happened, but I am NOT having a good day today. I didn't take my medicine last night, so that could be a factor. But other than that, nothing is really different other than the fact that I feel like crap today. Most describe it simply as "one of those days". Maybe it's Mother Nature, maybe the Universe is out of line or...something. I don't know. I got up early thinking it was gonna be a good day. I felt rested, I felt ambitious. Now I just feel like sitting in a corner by myself, crying. Time is flying by. Good. Maybe that means this crappy day will be over before I know it. At least take away the crappy feelings. That would at least be something. I'm gonna go take my missed dose and see how I feel. I'll get back to you later.

Hop Along
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Chapter One...

So, I was looking at some quotes online, right, and there was this one that said something to the effect of "How can you move on to the next page in your life if you keep re-reading the previous chapter?" And that got me to thinking...I have been doing a lot of re-reading lately. There's a couple of things that just won't go in the fuck-it bucket. I keep trying to put them there, but then I go digging in there and pull them back out. Why?? Why can't I let go of this one thing?? And even more curious, the one thing is something I would rather not hold on to. It's like "oh, that's something I told myself I don't want to remember." Anyway, the point is I keep thinking about my stupid ex and it's driving me nuts (in a BAD way)!! I don't want to be with him, I don't like him, I don't trust him. And yet I keep thinking about him when I hear love songs, or when I see a sweet quote, or when I see a happy couple together. Now, before you say something stupid like "Well, obviously, you're still in love with him," I want to go on record as saying that nothing could be further from the truth. I know the reason is because (a) He was my most recent relationship, and (b) I am thinking about the things I was really hoping could happen. The things I want to happen for me.
I think about how things could have been if things had worked out for the better. I think about what I still hope can happen for me (just not with him). I dream of happy endings and fairytale romance. Call me a hopeless romantic if you want, but I would tell you that you are mistaken: I am a hopeful romantic.
While my views of romantic dotings are a little poisoned by my previous encounters, I still have high hopes that things really can turn out okay, and that (some) people really do live (mostly) happily ever after, until death does them part.
So, because of these romantic ideas, and hopes and dreams, I would like to stop the re-reading of my previous chapter and begin a whole new book. I will call it my true-life love story. When I find my Prince Charming, I will begin my story, and do my best not to compare it to any of my previous tales of woe. I will start fresh and new with Chapter One.

P.S. I would like to dedicate this photo to my ex, may he forever suffer the pain of love lost.

~Hop Along

Just Let It Go

I have been relaxing mentally. I mean, serious woo-saah stuff. Normally, I think a lot about the past, stuff that hurt, stuff that I was upset about...normally I go over and over these things in my mind and become mentally upset. But I've found this new philosophy and it has been making my life a helluva lot easier. I have to give a nod and a shout out to Pinterest for introducing me to it and it is this: "Just chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and move on."
The thought process is totally different ever since I developed that fuck-it bucket. And let me say, a LOT of stuff has made its way into the bucket. There's just stuff I figured out I don't have to care about, so why should I?? I can allow my mind to work on much more meaningful stuff. I mean, like this entry for example. And don't get me wrong, my life is far from perfect still, because things keep popping up in my mind trying to get some quality thought time, and then I realize that these are things from my past and there is nothing I can do about them now. Guess where they go after that....INTO THE BUCKET!! It's become almost a catchphrase, like "Off with his head!!" or "Release the hounds!!"
I freakin love it!!
Now, I must put this one thing into the bucket after I publicly atone for a mistake that caused someone I love to have hurt feelings. You have to understand the relationship I used to have with this person, the relationship I thought we would have, and the relationship he said we could never have...
I understand that my actions were probably hurtful in their context, but at the same time, he and I were not (and according to him) could never be together. Okay, then, if thats the case, my actions should not have bothered him so much. If he truly believed what he'd said, none of that would have hurt. It may have surprised him, caught him off guard, but...other than that, he really has/had no grounds to be hurt. UNLESS he had changed his mind, in which case he should have said something to me and maybe (just MAYBE...and then again, maybe not) things could have been different. But he didn't, and they're not, so...all I have to say about it, and then I'm moving on, is this: to he who may never read this....I am sincerely sorry. And: INTO THE BUCKET!!
Aahh...that's freeing.
One more thing. Allow me to literally illustrate the thought process of the fuck-it bucket. Maybe you can use it in your own life to make things a little easier.





Hop Along

Like A Child...

Last night I experienced something I've not had in a long time: I had nightmares.  I actually laid awake crying, I was so scared. I remember hearing voices. Horrible, evil, demonic voices. I couldn't understand their words, but the effect they had on me still....I damn-near wet myself.
I haven't experienced something so scary in awhile. And that's including our trip to Creepy World where I saw both a zombie clown and anima-tronic mannequins (two things that are scary enough on their own in my mind, but worse when enhanced by the frightful mood of Halloween).
I lay clutching my Skelanimals panda bear, Andy, peering into the darkness of the room, hoping the fear would leave me. It didn't.  My heart pounded fiercely and my breathing was shallow. I couldn't calm down, no matter what I tried.
When I fell asleep, I drifted into a nightmare of vivid horrors, although I cannot remember them now. When I lay awake, I feared going back to sleep but knew I must, or go to work unrested.
Tonight, I'll try again to sleep restfully. I hope Andy can keep the night frights at bay.
Goodnight.

Hop...to sleep.