Here We Go Again...

And so begins yet another blog. I had to delete my other one because...I don't even want to go into it. I had to delete it. End of story.
     I'm starting a new life. A new me. Well, that's what I plan to do. But it's easier said than done. Not to mention some things that I would like to change seem to want to stay the same. I want to change the way people see me. I want to change my financial situation. Firstly, I want to change the way I think. I think that's the hardest thing. I mean, I do yoga every morning (well, ALMOST every morning) and I try to calm my mind and spirit, and yet when I enter a particular situation (interacting with my ex...), I start to have serious anxiety attacks. I don't know what to do to make it stop. I try thinking of something calming. I try to breathe deeply and apply my meditation methods all to no avail. I always walk away feeling shaky and sick to my stomach.  I try to tell myself that because we are only recently broken up, that dealing with him will be awkward for awhile. But I also know that there is an energy about him. A negative energy that I can sense and it affects me. I just have to figure out how to turn myself off to his negative vibe.

Besides that, work is going well. I enjoy my new duties. I love not being stuck in one place all the time. I love not knowing what's next. I love the variety, however so slight.  Money wise, I'm doing alright. I feel like nothing much has changed there. Although I did accomplish some things recently that would have been harder, if not impossible while living in my apartment.

Regarding the company I keep...It cracks me up to see all the guys at work flirting with me. A couple of them have come right out and said that they like me. Here's the thing though: one of them is unavailable, he has a girlfriend that he lives with. And yet he very openly flirts with me, as though anything could come of it.  The other guy...he's really nice, and in another life, I might have even considered giving him a shot. But I have taken a vow of non-fraternization: I am NOT going to date another coworker. I will flirt and tease until the cows come home, but nothing will come of any of it. I have learned my lesson as far as that goes.
     My best friend remains, as always, the best. He bothers me with some of the things he says but, because he's my friend, I can take it all with a large grain of salt, build a bridge and get over it, ya know??  I would like to acquire more female friends and go and hang out with them all the time. But I also know that if I had more friends, I would seek to be alone more often. I'm trying to find the happy medium.
Well, anyway, I feel like I need a nap. Gonna go lie down. Or read. Or something.


"It's all about me. Deal with it" - Happy Bunny