Powerless

  That's exactly what it is. I've figured that much out. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to stop it. And without your permission or even any knowledge of how it happened, it gets worse. Much worse. And the next thing you know...

 

 

 

 

How do I keep that little sucker under control?? My mind, the sane one, takes the time to analyze the situation and begins to form a strategy. My heart, the idiot, dives in headfirst without checking if there's water in the pool. It's like crossing the street without looking both ways; the way MAY be clear, or you may end up as a hood ornament.

 

 

 

So, the heart somehow manages to override the mind...

 

 

And then I'm left looking back and thinking...

 

 

 

Mistakes, face-palm, retrospect, regret...

 

 

 

My mind, the sane one, takes the time to analyze the situation and begins to form a strategy...for next time. It's determined not to allow this to happen again. But it's not the one in control... 

 

My hands are tied, there's nothing I can do. Helpless, hopeless...

Powerless.

 

 

*Listening to "Powerless" by Linkin Park*

 

- Hop Along

Rhyming Words

Okay, I've been told that I should put some of my poetry on here. So, here you go. This one's an oldie but a goody. It's about a failed relationship. It's called "Not Your Love." Enjoy!!

Candy and flowers
All the gifts that you shower
Me with to show your love is true
You give love and affection
So we'll make a connection
But that's not what I want from you.

How can I care what you're feeling if
I have enough to be dealing with??
Could you please get your face off the floor...
I just want my freedom
From you, so don't be dumb,
Just give me what I'm asking for.

You get on my last nerve!!
What I mean, in other words,
Is that you have been quite a pain
To the "Nth" degree
You bug the hell outta me
And you're starting to drive me insane.

I guess I loved you at first,
And as much as it hurts,
I just haven't been feeling the live lately
And if the hell I went through
Is how you say "I love you,"
Then, frankly, I'd rather you hate me.

- Hop Along

Maybe I'm Crazy

In complete contrast to my Valentine's Day feelings of #ForverAlone (and hating ANYTHING happily-ever-after related), today, I can't seem to get enough of love songs. What's gotten into me?? I'm sure I don't know. Nothing has changed, I'm still single as a dollar and I am SO not ready for a relationship. I even made sure I ducked Cupid for a couple extra days just to be sure no mistakes were made (remember, I told you my ex and I were all smoochy and lovey dovey last Valentine's Day...that relationship was an absolute mistake). So what can there be to explain my current state of mind?? Well, there's insanity...possibly a touch of desperation...stupidity?? I don't know, but whatever. I'll just go with it.



*Listening to "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" by Michael Jackson*

Hop Along




That was me at about 3:45 this morning. I actually shifted moods pretty quickly once I got to work. It was like people IMMEDIATELY got on my nerves. Really, it was the stupid BS that people think is important and it really isn't. I moved back into my lovey dovey mode around midday. Wasn't so much for listening to love songs and stuff like that. I was more in super flirt mode. No joke, on my way to the parking lot, I seemed to be surrounded by guys. Maybe it was just me, but that's how it seemed.
One thing was sure, one of those guys was acting differently towards me than usually. I plan to keep an eye on that behavior and see how it develops.
So this evening, as I get settled down and prepare for night night, I'm in mid-mode: I'm not all lovey dovey, but I'm not all woe-is-me either. I'm just...*shrug* half a block from crazy. So don't try to drive me there, I'm within walking distance.

Nighty night.
Hop Along

Where Is The Love??

Smooching, hugging, touching, holding hands, heart shapes, teddy bears, and love...all of this has been adversely commercialized for this thing we call Valentine's Day. On any regular day any of those things would be considered sweet, but not really given a second thought otherwise. It's all great if you're in a relationship. Well, sort of. Valentine's Day puts a pressure on everyone that just...isn't fair. For those who aren't in a relationship with that "special someone" (or for the cheating dogs, someones) you feel as though you HAVE to be with someone, or that you are some sort of loser if you're not. I have to admit that I have fallen into the thought pattern of that second category.
This year, Valentine's day is a little bittersweet for me. Exactly a year ago, I was back together with my ex, we were talking about getting married, we went and had pictures taken and I was happy (at least, I thought I was). This year...well, we're not together, I can barely stand the sight of him. I'm single and still wondering how the hell last year even happened.

I do my best to hide it, but it still hurts. I thought I was over it, but no, it still hurts. Only makes it worse that everyone around me is with someone. Most of them are happy. A few are just making do. Me, I just feel....

Oh, I know I'm NOT going to be alone forever, I'm just wondering what's the shift in the universe?? Usually, I have to practically beat guys away with a stick. But now?? I can barely get a guy to flirt with me. I mean, on the one hand I really am enjoying being single, but on the other hand, I'm used to getting attention. Well...I don't know what's going on, but I'll take it as a learning experience. What am I supposed to be learning?? I have no idea.
Anyway, today, someone is going to propose, someone is going to be surprised, tons of people are going to receive cards, teddy bears, chocolates, flowers. But...what about the rest of the year?? I put today in the same category with Christmas: it's all about spending money, and making a big deal about sentiments you don't express during the other 364 days of the year. I mean, why is it only on Valentine's day that people want to surprise their special someone with dinner, tickets, flowers, etc?? Don't you love them year-round?? Why not show it some other time during the year...OTHER than their birthday??  (With Christmas, it's all about giving, giving, giving and everyone really starts getting into charity and giving to the poor....Um, they were poor in March, but I didn't see you forking over anything to help then!!)
Anyway, I guess I'm kinda glad I don't have that "special someone" because I am FLAT BROKE and wouldn't be able to participate in the consumerism. Ah well, everything happens for a reason.

Here's a little cliche stuff for all of you who need it today.

And a couple of em for the rest of us...

And one thing that explains it all...

That totally makes sense!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everybody.

Hop Along

The Circle of Life

Well, I had an entirely different topic to post about today, but circumstances have dictated that I post about this...

"One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here..."

My daughter's great-grandmother passed away today. (That would be her father's mother's mom, so no, not related to me.)  I know that Gramma C is devastated. I mean, it's hard enough to lose a family member (even the furry ones), but it's gotta be REALLY hard to lose your mother. I am blessed to say that my mom is still with me. I am not even trying to THINK about the day when I will have to deal with this situation.
It's funny that I was just looking at a post on G+ earlier that said something about life being short, or procrastinating until tomorrow, until one day, tomorrow isn't here.  And it's so true.  You never know when the sun will set on your time. You don't always see it coming. You may not have time for "tomorrows".  There may not be tomorrow. Why not now??
My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone they were close to. I can't imagine what you must have felt. So, I say this: before we lose another person that's close to us, why don't we go ahead and take the time to say what needs to be said to those who need to hear it. Apologize, say you love them, forgive them. Whatever unfinished business or bad blood there is between you and that someone you love, let it go. Life is too short to hold a grudge.  Think of it this way: What will hurt more; Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or NOT saying something and wishing you HAD??
There's no going back, there's only forward. So let's move forward with a clean slate for as long as we have (and we don't know how long that is).
And when the sun rises, and you get to see it, you have been given another chance to do what you haven't done (whatever that may be).

RIP Great-Gramma

*Listening to Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park*

Hop Along

Holidays And All That Jazz

Merry/Happy Chrisma-Kwanz-ukkah!! And Happy New Year!!


We made it people!! The Mayan apocalypse had us worried for a minute there...at the beginning of 2012. Throughout the year we didn't even think about it...until it was almost upon us. Then people started buying guns, water, canned food, batteries, and other survival supplies in the DROVES!!!! But if you recall, (for those of us who are old enough to recall) the same crap happened just before the year 2000. They freaked out and said that the world was going to end, that everything would shut down and we would have no power, nothing would run, people would be killing and looting...Sounds a lot like the whole premise of the show Revolution (great show, btw).
But, like I said, we made it, here we are. I will take a moment of silence to remember those who did not make it to see this year and all its promises.
                                                               *SILENCE*
*********************************************************************************

And now, let me see how many liars we have out there.  Who out there made a New Year's resolution?? If you raise your hand or say "I did" I will now tell you to bash you face against my outstretched palm. You have already started a new year with OLD CRAP. Although recycling is a great concept, not everything can be recycled, and even if it can be, doesn't mean that it SHOULD be. New Year's resolutions, in particular. Stop lying to yourself. Everybody knows that nobody keeps a resolution. Not ones made at midnight between December 31 and January 1, that is.  For those of you who tried to be ironic, or circular and (more than likely) said something to the effect of "My New Year's resolution is not to make a New Year's resolution," you can add yourselves to the recycling bin. That phrase is played out, lame, old and should never be spoken again. If you don't want to make a  resolution, just DON'T. And PLEASE don't gimme that "New Year, New You" garbage. That can go past the recycling bin and straight to the landfill...or the incinerator. It's not a "new you," it's the same old you hoping to improve yourself into this high-hope image you have and then falling short by Valentine's Day. Be honest with yourself, start slow, set small goals, take one step, one day at a time. Don't expect immediate results. Don't expect too much too soon. Things/you are not going to change overnight.
I, for one, have not, am not, will not be another statistic. I am absolutely perfect just the way I am. Look up 'perfect', 'perfection', or 'goddess' and you will find a zillion pictures of yours truly, from birth to present.
(For those of you who actually switched to your browser to Google any of those words....slap yourself.)
 Seriously though, there are things I would like to work on this year, things I would like to improve, regimens/routines to start, etc. And I will do my best to be consistent. But if I don't...I haven't really lost anything. I will be able to say that I tried, and that in itself is at least something.
So, in closing, I will say that if I were making a New Year's resolution (which I'm not), I would say this, and I hope you take this with you and apply it:
This year, do you. Whether that's new you, old you, fat you, skinny you...make sure that you do one thing overall: Be the TRUE you.
Happy New Year, everybody.

My World, My Way

So I haven't been on here in a while. That's because I have been working on some of my other projects. Oh, yes, I am a regular Jill of all trades, master of none. During my away-from-here time, I have been drawing, writing, reading, going to the gym, enjoying myself. More recently (like, earlier today), I have been working on a story that I started more than a year ago and haven't really been working on. So, the other day, I got a couple of ideas that I thought would go nicely in there, but then I realized I didn't know where the notebook was where I was writing the story. I tore my room apart, searched through boxes of sketchbooks, and notebooks and journals and papers until I finally found the right notebook. I read over what I had already written, then started writing some more. What I really wanted to do was start another blog, dedicated solely to the story, and unfold it chapter by chapter...but I'm afraid to cuz I don't want someone to start reading it, decide they like it and then snatch it up and try to pass it off as their own work. I have to figure out how to copyright something or at least make it known that this is an original work by ME so that no one else can take credit for it. Anyway, I will continue working on the story and maybe, eventually, have it published. Wouldn't that be cool?? Yep. I was telling someone at work about it and...you know, this person always has a way of doing things, like it HAS to be done their way or else it's not gonna be any good. Like I was telling them about my drawing, and they said that I should start out with a rough sketch like this *proceeds to demonstrate* and then go back over it and fill in the details. Well, that's not the way I draw. I do draw a bit of a rough sketch but it's not the same way they did their's and my pictures still come out pretty well. I mean, I could probably use some art classes but, it ain't finger painting. That's the other thing, they HAVE had art classes. So maybe a teacher taught you something that worked for them and then maybe it works for you but you can't just assume that it's gonna work for me. (See, that's part of the reason I don't really want to go to art school: everybody shoving THEIR method of doing thing down your throat.) Needless to say (but I'm gonna say it anyway), they had something to say about the way I'm going about writing my story. "You have to outline it." Or...I can just write. Hey, my method is sounding better already. The other way sounds like a lot of work. I want this to be a lot of fun. And so, I'm going to go about it in a way that makes it enjoyable to me. Even if it's the "wrong" way.
Ugh, I got a scratchy throat. Have had all day. I thought I was getting a cold but I don't have any other cold symptoms...anymore. I did have a runny nose this morning, but it was also fricken 36 degrees this morning too!! But now, it's just the sore throat. I have tried everything: cough drops, mints, hot tea, lemon, honey...tea, lemon and honey combined. Nothing seems to work. I'm enjoying the taste of the tea with honey and lemon (Celestial Seasonings Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea, added a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, some honey and a dash of pure vanilla extract) so I'm going to drink some more of that. If you're thinking it might be strep, I already looked it up. I don't have the symptoms of that either. It's just a pesky sore throat.
Well, I'm gonna go work on my story a little, before I have to go make cookies for tomorrow's potluck. Maybe you'll get to read some of it soon.
Hop Along
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